he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
