Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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