the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize