1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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