I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
