She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
