i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
