Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
