hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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