how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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