i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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