who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
