I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm bleeding and have questions
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize