How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
