dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
