sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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