So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Randomize
