Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
