You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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