just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
