He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
