im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
