Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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