I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
