so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize