Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
