i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
