As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
