I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
