he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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