My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
