I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
