Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
