let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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