you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
