p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Michael Bay diarrhea
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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