Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
