I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
