on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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