Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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