all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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