Where did you get a picture of my penis
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
