Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
