Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
