FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
