so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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