At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
