I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
