Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
