hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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