In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
