Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
