That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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