There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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