Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
