Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
