Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
