Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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