atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish you could order shots online.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
