Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
