apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
soo... how was my night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
