How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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