So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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