jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
