apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize