Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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